


Schmidt's the Shit

by Annie_Eliza



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Crack, Explicit Sexual Content, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-03
Updated: 2015-11-11
Packaged: 2018-04-29 19:08:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5139233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annie_Eliza/pseuds/Annie_Eliza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a new king of Babylon and, honey, he's not getting overthrown any time soon!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Schmidting It Up!

He had been ready to settle down. He had fallen in love and found so much happiness with Blake. After all the back and forth of trying to work on themselves, leaving them in different places in the process, he had finally found good standing with the man he kept on finding his way back to. They had been in a good place for about a year and, when they parted ways, they were still in a good place.

 

And that had made it feel more final. 

 

Ted may sound overly dramatic. Okay, he knows he sounds overly dramatic. He still talked to Blake at least twice week. He still told him that he loved him and Blake returned the sentiment. He’d gone to visit him a few times when he was in a nearby state. But that hadn’t made things much easier. He had known that he had to let Blake go. He couldn’t hold his lover back when he had an opportunity he couldn’t turn down. He couldn’t think of anyone else right for the job who was as personable, sweet, and passionate as Blake is. His partner was doing great things. Speaking to other recovering addicts across the country. Proposing recovery programs rather than prison times for users with no other serious crimes under their belt. Ted was so fucking proud of him but it didn’t stop him from being so fucking lonely. 

 

For the first time in his life, he could identify with Brian Kinney. 

 

Not that the man would openly admit how much he missed his own long distance boyfriend. But still, the situations were extremely similar. They both had much younger boyfriends, blossoming into wonderful, hardworking men who needed to fly away from the nest in order to succeed. He and Brian had both been left behind, accepting years before that Pittsburgh was their home, at least for the next few years if not longer.They had both decided with their lovers that monogamy wouldn’t be best for their arrangement. He knew Brian didn’t want to hold Justin back in any way and he also knew that Blake deserved physical comfort when Ted wasn't there to provide it. And, in all honesty, Ted doesn’t think he has it in him to hold out for his occasional visits with Blake since sometimes a couple of months pass before he can see him once more. He could keep himself from falling in love and he could probably get by from just jerking off but he was lonely. He needed to find temporary relief with someone else in order to just let himself blank out. And, like Ted, he knew Brian was lonely too. Of course he wouldn’t admit that either.

 

But, unlike Brian, Ted wasn’t a stud of any sort. He was a top for the most part, that much was certain. He had also never received any complaints. But he wasn't a god and a legend like Brian Kinney. Each time he scored a new trick he considered himself lucky while Brian felt that whichever worthy trick he picked should consider themselves lucky. Not Ted. No, as he pounds into this beautiful new young trick in the backroom, he has to hold himself back from thanking him as he grips onto his hips and lets out a moan. He pointedly doesn't answer when the trick says, “Fuck yeah, Daddy. Love your cock. Fuck my tight young ass” but, despite cringing at his new pet name, he does what he is told and fucks him to the best of his abilities. He gives it his all and fucks the twink’s prostate over and over and over again. The twink cries out loudly and repeatedly, eyes rolled back in his head in absolute ecstasy. Ted feels multiple sets of intrigued eyes on him as he thrusts harder and grunts when he is close to coming.

 

“I’m coming!” the twink desperately cries, “You’re making me come, Daddy!”

 

Without being touched the twink comes, some of it makes it to the wall but the rest drips onto the floor due to the way the guy is bent over with his legs spread. Ted lasts another thirty seconds before spilling over into the condom and yelling out his release.

 

Once he comes back to himself and he lifts his head off the trick's shoulder, he's a bit confused when he hears the sound of whistling and the clapping of hands. 

 

He looks around, wondering if a celebrity had graced their presence, or maybe Brian or Brandon, but everyone seems to be looking at him. 

 

"That was amazing!" the twink says breathlessly as he turns around to look at him, "You are absolutely incredible."

 

Ted shrugs and blushes a little as he zips his pants back up, "Thanks. You're pretty incredible yourself."

 

"No, you don't understand," the twink says in awe, "You are the best fuck I've ever had. I have never been fucked with such precision or focused passion. You've probably ruined me for other men. Believe me, you have a gift that no other man possesses."

 

Ted feels his eyes widen, "God, don't tell me you're a virgin. Listen kid, I'm not some great fuck. I'm average at best. You'll see once you get some more experience."

 

The twink lets out a laugh, "A virgin? That's a laugh. I may only be 22 but I've fucked at least four hundred men and that includes Brian Kinney and Brandon Horn. And believe me, _Daddy_ , they have nothing on you. So why don't you tell me your name?"

 

"Uh...It's Ted. Ted Schmidt," he stammers, not used to this kind of sexual praise from anyone besides Blake and, albeit briefly, Troy.

 

"Well, Mr. Schmidt, I'm going to tell my friends and acquaintances all about you. Next time they are looking to be fucked into oblivion, I'm going to direct them to your services."

 

Ted snorts, "Yeah, right."

 

The twink raises his eyebrows and turns to the crowd in the backroom.

 

"I just want everyone here to know that Ted Schmidt is definitely the best top in the state of Pennsylvania, most likely the best top in America, and possibly the best top on Planet Earth. I don't care how much of a top you butch bastards are or how many cocks you nelly bottoms have had. Get fucked by Ted Schmidt and you'll want to bend over for him all the time. You all hear me? Schmidt's the shit!"

 

Intrigued murmuring fills the room as Ted stands there, not close to knowing what to say. He's about to leave and head back to the bar but he feels a strong hand grip his shoulder to turn him around.

 

Gulping and forcing himself to look up, he finds the 6'7" bodybuilder stud that everyone calls Thor staring down at him. The giant looks at him with hunger in his eyes and, before Ted knows it, takes him over to a small table near the back, drops his pants, and bends over so that his torso is flush against the table top.

 

"Well? Go on," Thor urges, reaching back to spread his cheeks, "If Tomás says you're the best fuck he's ever had then that means you better be ready to prove something!"

 

Ted sighs as he looks down at the challenge, annoyed until he realizes that the man is shaking.

 

"Thor, what's the matter?"

 

"Pfft! Nothing's the matter! Where do you get off by asking me?"

 

Ted isn't the best at reading people but he did take a couple of Psychology courses back in college. He studies Thor's body language and sees that, while he probably secretly wants to get fucked, he is very insecure about it due to his status which would explain the sarcastic front. Ted has to wonder why Thor would do this so publicly but he can only guess that his need has been building up for a while. 

 

"When's the last time you were fucked?" Ted asks him softly after he comes back with a condom from the dispenser. 

 

"I never get-" 

 

"Thor."

 

Thor sighs then whispers, "Maybe a couple of years ago. No...no one wants a bottom who can throw them across the room."

 

Ted clears his throat at that and considers stepping away before Thor assures him by saying, "Not that I would do that."

 

Ted smiles, slightly amused by Thor’s nervous, foot-in-mouth demeanor before realizing that the man is a gentle giant and he deserves being led into this in a gentle manner as well. 

 

So, despite it being a pain on his knees, Ted kneels down, briefly puts his hands on top of Thor's to get him to spread his cheeks wider, and starts to rim him.

 

Ted can't help but feel pride as Thor thrusts back against his tongue and cries out almost immediately. He’s limited when it comes to rimming experience, both giving and receiving it. It had only been something he had done with a few lovers. Emmett, Psycho Tad, mainly Blake. It just felt too intimate to do with just anyone. So he is surprised that he would do this with Thor, who is just anyone. He knows that it was a way to ease him into things but, in case Thor considers it something to do with a special person in your life, he keeps it quick before standing up to prepare him.

 

He twists his fingers to stroke his spot over and over, keeping the man panting, breathless, and almost incoherent. After three fingers, Ted puts on the condom, lubes himself up, and lines his cock up with Thor’s hole. Thor gasps as if he’s just come face to face with heaven as Ted makes that first thrust. He leads him to an orgasm quickly but gets Thor hard again because he’s nowhere close to being finished.

 

“Oh my god oh my god oh my god!” Thor calls out, gripping the table as Ted’s thrusts get more forceful, “You make me feel so good! God! Oh, fuck!”

 

He grips onto Thor’s cock to keep him from coming, bends over his back to look over his shoulder, and grits out, “Not. Yet.”

 

Thor nods, only whimpering in the process and leans up as if he wants to kiss him. 

 

As much as he doesn’t want to hurt the man’s feelings, the thought of kissing anyone besides Blake feels wrong.

 

Thor’s whimpers get louder as his penis starts to pulse in Ted’s hand. Ted knows he’s seconds from coming and that he needs to desperately. Ted is pretty close as well so he does the man a favor by licking his ear and whispering, “Come.”

 

As soon as Ted lets go of the hard cock, Thor comes all over the table, filling the backroom with cries as he gives into his release. Ted moans as he gives Thor those last several thrusts, gripping his ass so hard that he wouldn’t be surprised if he left bruised handprints on him. After Ted comes, he lets himself slip out and gives Thor’s ass a light slap. When he turns around, he sees that no one is fucking and minding their own business. They are all crowded behind them watching him and Thor, who is still whimpering on the table. 

 

Before he can let the shock of what he had just done hit him, the backroom begins to cheer.

 

“Bravo!”

 

“Encore!” 

 

“Absolutely incredible!”

 

“A true ten star performance!”

 

Ted feels a bashful grin appear on his face as he looks down at his shoes.

 

“Oh, stop. It’s all very flattering but I wasn’t THAT great!”

 

“Oh, oh please, sir!” a nelly bottom cries, pushing his way through the crowd, “Please let me have the honor of being fucked by your cock! I would be such a good boy and tend to your every desire during our time together!”

 

“No! Choose me!” a bear dressed in a biker jacket growls as he steps forward, “I may be a top but I will bend over for that cock any day.”

 

“Guys, I need a few minutes before I even think about fucking anyone else,” Ted laughs nervously, stepping backwards and bumping into Thor’s bent over ass in the process. 

 

“Let’s give him some space,” a more reasonable man suggests before he leans in to whisper, “I got your back, bud. The question is if you have mine.”

 

The man winks as Ted catches onto the innuendo. As the small crowd closes in, he realizes that he’s going to have to make a few more people happy tonight.

 

“Alright, alright,” Ted says to the crowd, “Just...Just go over and face the wall, bend over, and drop your pants. I’ll fuck you one by one down the line.”

 

The crowd nods eagerly as they do what they’re told, bare asses perked out, naked, and ready for the taking.

 

Even though he feels some guilt about doing this while Blake is away, they told the other to have a great time with whomever they chose as long as they didn’t partake any type of drugs or alcohol. Fucking eight men one after another was not prohibited and he would give Blake his blessing if he found out he wanted to do the same. Besides, he’s making people happy. He’s always had trouble when it came to doing that. Yes, Blake’s eyes lit up whenever he walked into a room but Blake wasn’t here right now and wouldn’t be for a while.

 

Right now, he would take what he could get, no matter how bizarre this all was.

 

As he drops his own pants and thrusts his cock into the first trick in line, he thinks about how he would have never predicted that something as unbelievable as this would happen and is still semi-convinced that it has to be a dream or one elaborate prank. However, despite how strange he thinks this is now, he will never EVER predict what happens next.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After Brian gets off work, he goes home for a couple of hours. He hasn’t been out in almost a week, not feeling up to seeing his friends or fucking a trick. God, he doesn’t know how he survived. He’s never jerked off more in his life. Of course some of that was done in front of his webcam for Justin’s viewing pleasure. He’s glad Justin is so busy but it can be really fucking inconvenient for him. It shouldn’t be. He can go and fuck pretty much whoever he wants whenever he wants. But whoever he wants is usually Justin and whenever is basically _never_.

 

Brian growls in frustration. Sometimes, when he’s feeling not exactly sane, he feels that he should have told Lindsay to fuck herself and married Justin despite the article. Maybe she would have begged for his forgiveness by keeping Gus here and he wouldn’t feel so alone. 

 

God. Even he thinks he sounds like an asshole. It’s not his fault though. Whoever thought abstinence, intentional or not, was a great idea was one sadistic fucker. Except without the fucker. Because they weren’t fucking. Lunatics.

 

He’s happy for Justin. And he’s happy that his son’s mothers feel like he’s safe. He’s just bitter because he needs a tight ass. He’d do everyone a favor if he got some.

 

So he calls Mikey, hoping that his best friend will come along despite that it isn’t quite his scene anymore and his friend surprisingly says yes as long as the professor comes along. Michael is lucky he actually likes his husband enough to go along with that. But he won’t stay third wheel for long. He’ll find someone to fuck, ditch them, and only come back to mock their lifestyle that he almost attempted but then didn’t which unexpectedly left a hole in his chest. It’s for the best though. Justin has his art and he has his status still in tact, despite Brandon’s continuous attempts to subtly dethrone him.

 

He gets ready, makes sure he looks extra hot despite the faint lines by his eyes he noticed the other day, and goes to meet Mikey and the Professor outside of Babylon, where they are sickeningly sweet and kissy as usual. He knows that he and Justin tend to participate in a lot of PDA, both before the New York move and after, but they were _hot_ together. It was different.

 

“Hey, Brian!” Ben says, finally pulling his face off of Michael’s, “We haven’t seen you for a while. Thanks for inviting us out.”

 

“Well, someone had to get you two losers out of the house,” Brian says sarcastically as he takes Michael’s hand, who then takes Ben’s, and leads them to the front door. There is something so satisfying about being the owner of Babylon. Even though dealing with the business portions takes away from the magic he used to feel when he walked in, the pros outnumber the cons. 

 

They have a couple of drinks at the bar and Brian pretends to listen as Michael and Ben talk about the little hustler’s first year at college and how well he’s doing and how proud they are of him. Don’t get him wrong, he hoped the best for the kid. But it was literally all Michael ever talked about. He could talk about Gus for hours but Hunter’s not his so how much is he expected to care? He doesn’t think he’s being heartless. If any of them had trouble with the student loan payments he’d hand the money over without a second thought but he didn’t have to hear about the kid’s every move.

 

“I’m going to go get my dick sucked,” Brian interrupts.

 

Michael rolls his eyes, “We’ll stay here. Maybe dance a little. Have fun.”

 

Brian stalks off, on the prowl. He finds a cute blonde in his mid-twenties, dancing the night away with a couple of his friends and he knows he has to fuck him. He’s a poor replacement but as long as he doesn’t pay too much attention to how the kid looks, he can pretend that he’s someone else. 

 

So Brian cuts in, staring into the blonde’s eyes, conveying the message of what he exactly wants. The blonde raises his eyebrows in surprise and Brian looks at him hungrily. But suddenly, the blonde shakes his head and moves Brian out of the way.

 

“Sorry,” the blonde throws out, “I got fucked by the best of the best tonight and I don’t want to ruin that memory for anyone. Maybe ask me in a week.”

 

Brian stares at him, “Excuse me? Do you know who you are speaking to?”

 

“Yeah, yeah. Brian something, right?”

 

“...Kinney. It’s Kinney,” Brian grits out. He knows he’s breaking the rules but apparently he isn’t fucking this guy anyway so what’s the fucking point of not revealing his name?

 

“Yeah, Brian Kenny. Whatever. Look, I’m sure you’re good. But...there’s no way you can compare. At all. Not to the king. Maybe you should find someone who hasn’t been fucked by that godlike cock yet. You won’t have to lose in comparison.”

 

Brian takes a few steps back and shakes his head. No. _No_. This can’t be happening. This is the only thing he has. It had only been a week. Not even a week. This can’t be happening. 

 

Brian lets out a growl and scans the room for that fucker. Fucking Brandon Horn. He knew he should have kept him banned. He knew it had been petty and childish to be jealous and hurt over Brandon’s popularity on the dance floor but it was what it was. He thought he had moved passed it but if he thought it was acceptable to move in on his territory while he was way, then he had another thing coming. 

 

He doesn’t even make it to the back room before he finds him off in a corner of the dance floor, fucking some trick. That’s another reason he doesn’t like him. No respect for the perfectly reasonable rules. So he crosses his arms as he waits behind Brandon’s thrusting form, tapping his foot until the man comes.

 

“Now who’s the best fuck?” Brandon says in a low voice as the trick pulls his pants up.

 

The trick chuckles, “Uh...not you. Sorry.”

 

He can’t help but smirk when he sees Brandon’s shoulders stiffen at the answer.

 

The trick turns around, glances at Brian in confusion, before continuing in his explanation.

 

“Look, Brandon. You aren’t a bad fuck. You’re sort of like The Godfather, Part III. If you haven’t seen the first two then it is a really solid movie, despite Sophia Coppola’s performance. But if you’ve already seen Part II...well, it’s just lackluster at best. Sorry.”

 

The trick pushes past Brandon and, just as he thinks the trick might beg for some Part II, aka Brian Kinney, he pushes past him too.

 

Brandon still has his back to him, clenching his fists in frustration and anger.

 

“GOD DAMN IT!!!” Brandon roars, punching the wall in the process.

 

“Hey! Horn, don’t make me throw you out! Again!” Brian warns as he puts his arms around the younger man’s torso.

 

Brandon takes heaving breaths as Brian practically carries Brandon away from the wall. He leads him over to the bar, gets him a bottle of water, and tells him to cool off. But Brandon is just sitting there, fuming over whatever happened back in that dim corner. 

 

“It’s over, Kinney,” Brandon mutters ambiguously as he takes a sip of his water, strangely defeated and morose.

 

Brian can’t believe he’s going to say this, especially when he had just been looking for Brandon to ban him again several minutes before. He should be thrilled with witnessing what he did. But seeing the tears in Brandon’s eyes and the frown firmly in place on his face, all he feels is exasperation and just a twinge of concern.

 

“What, because one guy was an asshole you suddenly think you suck at fucking? Is your ego that fragile?”

 

“Of course it is!” Brandon snaps, “And so is yours.”

 

Brian is about to vehemently deny that but then he remembers the goddamn fucking contest he had and how immature it had been so he keeps his mouth shut and moves on.

 

“Still, you can’t take just one guy’s opinion to heart. Fuck him. Move on. You didn’t have a thing for him, did you?”

 

“Of course not,” Brandon sneers, “I’m not looking for my own personal Justin Taylor. I’m not a pathetic hetero wannabe.”

 

He never remembered Brandon being this much of an asshole before but he sure as hell wants to make him take that back. But, before he can reach over the bar and grab Brandon’s shirt collar, the young man lets out a sigh.

 

“Not that it matters anymore. In fact, I probably should find someone who is fucking me due to _love_ and not my abilities in the sack. I guess I am not as good as I thought I was so maybe if there were...feelings or whatever the fuck the other guy would enjoy it more.”

 

“Okay, what’s going on here?” Brian finally asks, his curiosity getting the best of him, “I got turned down, you got a lackluster review. I haven’t been here for about a week. What’s changed?”

 

“ _Him_ ” Brandon seethes, “The _king_. Fucking Tomás and his big mouth. Asshole. It’s his fault that everyone knows there is a god in our midsts.”

 

Brian stares at him incredulously and looks around. Nothing seems too out of place. Hot men grinding on the dance floor, drinks being poured, Mikey and the Professor swaying together like fucking married heterosexuals. 

 

But then something catches his eye. When he looks at the entrance to the backroom, he sees a line coming out of it. It isn’t miles long but there is never a fucking line.

 

“What’s going on in the backroom?” Brian demands to know, already coming around to the other side of the bar.

 

“The king’s loyal subjects must wait their turn,” Brandon scoffs humorlessly, “He’s old and not even that cute but his fanbase is more fanatic than The Beatles’.”

 

Brian stares at the line and walks over with purpose. He ignores objections along the lines of, “Hey, wait your turn!” and “I don’t give a fuck if you’re the owner! You have to wait to be fucked like the rest of us!” as he makes his way inside. 

 

When he gets to the front, he sees men panting at the thrusting form inside. Back turned, he pounds into his very willing trick with precision like no other, making the strong buff man loudly moan and beg for more. When the top really goes at it, the bottom comes all over the wall with a high pitched cry, collapsing as the top keeps thrusting. The bottom whimpers as the top uses his hole until he finds his own release. After the top comes, he helps the man stand up straight, pats him on the ass to let him know that he’s done and turns around to face the crowd.

 

At first Brian thinks it’s a trick of the light because the top strongly resembles his CFO. But it couldn’t be. Ted Schmidt would not have a crowd waiting to get fucked by his cock.

 

“Bravo, King Schmidt!”

 

“Absolutely breathtaking!”

 

“Schmidt’s the shit!”

 

Brian feels his jaw drop as Ted gives the crowd a slight smile before clearing his throat.

 

“Next!” he calls out as the man in front of the line pushes past Brian to bend over the table.

 

“Fuck me here, King Schmidt! Please! I have a plug in and lubed myself up for you so fuck me as hard as you want!” the young trick begs, his ass wiggling in the air.

 

Ted chuckles as he rubs the boy’s ass, puts on a condom, and thrusts into his hole. As Ted starts fucking the trick, he looks to the crowd, nods at his swooning fans, and finally sees Brian standing there.

 

“Oh. Hi, Brian!” Ted waves during a particularly hard thrust.

 

Brian shakes his head and stumbles out of the backroom. It has to be a dream. It just has to be. There’s no fucking way he was overthrown by Ted Fucking Schmidt. So yeah, it’s all a dream. He probably drank too much and passed out at his desk before his Skype appointment with Sunshine. That’s the only thing that could explain this scenario and his inexplicable boner.


	2. Schmidting It Softly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Brian insists he will get to the bottom of things, Brandon has another idea on how to figure out what's going on.

He knows Ted tends to arrive to the office early, sometimes earlier than he does. So, after not being able to sleep due to disturbing thoughts and spontaneous jerk off sessions he will never admit to having, Brian heads to the office at 6:30 am. He overlooks some storyboards that he can make notes on for the newer additions to the art department as well as writes the first draft of a script for a Clorox Bleach commercial. There. He was productive. He had reasons for coming in early.

 

Now he could go wait for Ted in his office.

 

He only has to wait there for about twenty minutes until Ted comes in and jumps at the sight of Brian sitting there. He doesn’t see why Ted looks as though he is violated. If he thinks he can move in on Brian’s territory then Brian can surely do the same, especially when he owns both Babylon and Kinnetik in the first place.

 

“Uh hey, Bri!” Ted greets, confused but friendly as he closes his office door, “What are you doing here?”

 

Brian shrugs, “Just getting some work done.”

 

“Great. That’s great. In my office though?”

 

“Have a seat, Theodore,” Brian orders, ignoring the questioning statement.

 

Ted glances longingly at the chair Brian is occupying before sighing and sitting down in the chair across the desk.

 

“Something you need to discuss, Bri-”

 

“I don’t understand why smart men insist on playing dumb. Is it because they have no balls? It can’t be that, considering I had a good view of yours last night.”

 

“Uh, right. Sorry you had to see that. It was a crazy night,” Ted admits, scratching the back of his head.

 

“Is that what it was, _King Schmidt_?” Brian in no way grits out.

 

Ted bites his lip and his eyes widen, “I-I never told them to call me that. I tried to get them to stop but they just kept insisting by bowing and kissing my hand! It...It isn’t hurting anyone so I just let it go. Everyone seems to be pretty happy so why ruin a good thing, you know?”

 

“It makes everyone happy,” Brian mutters, “Yeah, I’m just ecstatic about my dorky CFO becoming a walking royal dildo.”

 

Brian knows he touched a nerve when Ted glares and stands up, “Excuse me? You’re one to talk! You’re a bigger slut than I am!”

 

“I never made people stand in a line in order to wait to get fucked by me!” Brian shoots back, “At least I had some fucking standards! I am not going to be overthrown by someone like… _you_.”

 

“All the men who want to get with me are extremely attractive,” Ted argues, “And a lot of them are tops! Even though I don’t have the love of my life regularly in my life anymore at least I am finally getting appreciated for something I know and love and that is sex! Sex sex sex! Fucking! And I won’t apologize for making it so good for every single trick that they beg for more! It was not my intention to _overthrow_ you or whatever you want to call it but the people have spoken!”

 

Ted storms out of the office, leaving Brian a fuming ball of fury, before returning twenty seconds later.

 

“Okay, this is my office. I really need to get those contracts done for Remson and Brown so you can sign them and get them faxed before noon. So if you could-”

 

“Oh, I’m leaving,” Brian interrupts as he stands from Ted’s chair and walks over to lean in closely to whisper into Ted’s ear, “But I _will_ get to the bottom of this. For once and for all.”

 

Brian storms out of Ted’s office and returns to his own desk. Oh, he will find out what’s going on, alright. Whether Theodore is paying people off or got Marilyn to cast a spell, he doesn’t know.

 

But he will.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He knows a man who earned the title “King Schmidt” wasn’t going to miss a night at Babylon. Brian meant it when he said he was going to get down to the bottom of this and that starts by observation. So, after he talks to Sunshine for a bit and lets him know that all is well with the Pitts and tries to hide his disappointment when Justin says he won’t be able to make it in next weekend, he goes to Babylon. Even if he couldn’t get laid, he could at least get drunk and try to forget that he had a boyfriend 371 miles away who obviously didn’t want to see him. 

 

He surpasses the line in the front and makes his way into the club. Immediately, he spots the line. And, wouldn’t you know, Fabio has changed stations and is manning the entrance to the back room.

 

“Fabio!” Brian calls out, making his way over, “You’re supposed to be stationed by the bar.”

 

Fabio nods over to another man in black, “I have the new guy handling it. This crowd is a pretty intense one. If King Schmidt wasn’t bringing in so much business then I would want to throw a few of his loyal subjects out. This guy even flew in from Hong Kong.”

 

Brian turns to see the guy Fabio is pointing at. The man is vibrating with excitement, squealing, and jumping up and down. He turns to lock eyes with Brian, giggles, and yells out, “I love King Schmidt!”

 

“How do you even know him?” Brian growls.

 

“PornHub,” the man answers in a strong accent.

 

“Great,” Brian mutters before turning back to Fabio, “There are people filming back there? That’s against the rules and you know it.”

 

“I do know it. And that’s why I’m manning the entrance and have another man inside to make sure no one is filming.”

 

“This is fucking up what the backroom is supposed to be all about,” Brian finally explodes, “Couples, threesomes, orgies even! They are all supposed to be free to go in and fuck as they please. They shouldn’t have to wait in a line if they don’t want to fuck _King Schmidt_.”

 

“Don’t worry. We’ve left part of the backroom designated for people interested in sex with someone other than Ted. But the thing is...barely anyone wants that.”

 

“Yeah, right,” Brian scoffs, “Not all of these people want to fuck Ted. I’m sure most of them only want to fuck each other.”

 

Fabio raises an eyebrow and clears his throat, “Attention, please! Is there anyone in line who is NOT waiting to be fucked by Ted Schmidt?”

 

No one raises their hand until one person speaks up, “Um...what if you just want to watch King Schmidt?”

 

“No, Lionel,” Fabio sighs, “You know that lurking is not acceptable.”

 

“But I won’t film anything!” Lionel cries, “I just want to _bask_ in his presence!"

 

“ _No_. Anyone else?”

 

No one else raises their hand. 

 

“Seriously?” Brian asks, “All of you, ALL OF YOU, want to be fucked by Ted Schmidt?”

 

Excited chattering starts in response to the words until someone starts to chant, “SCHMIDT’S THE SHIT! SCHMIDT’S THE SHIT! SCHMIDT’S THE SHIT! SCHMIDT’S THE SHIT!”

 

The whole line of approximately fifty people join in and Brian throws his hands up.

 

“I’m going in,” Brian tells Fabio.

 

“To be fucked by Ted? Have fun,” Fabio winks, “He fucked me on my night off and I swear I met Jesus, Mary, and Joseph all at once.”

 

“Sounds like a downer of a time,” Brian sneers before pushing past the front of the line to get inside.

 

“Mmmm...oh my god, you are as good as they say!” the trick moans as he pushes back onto Ted’s cock. 

 

“Want it hard?” Ted whispers, “Stay still. I’ll give you something to really moan about.”

 

Ted grips onto the man’s hips and drills into his trick, making the man scream out in ecstasy.

 

“Ahh Ahh!!!” the trick screams, “BEST...FUCK...EVER!!!!”

 

“You wanna come?” Ted growls.

 

“Yes! Yes, sir, please!” 

 

“Beg for it.”

 

“King Schmidt! Please allow me to come! I will be your humble subject for the rest of my days!”

 

Ted takes the ring off of the trick’s cock and he comes against the wall. Another stain the janitor will have to clean up once the doors close for the night.

 

After Ted comes and the trick gets a hold of himself, he bows down on the filthy floor and kisses Ted’s hand.

 

“Thank you, King Schmidt,” the trick whispers reverently as he kisses each one of Ted’s knuckles, “Thank you for showing me the best experience of my life.”

 

Ted strokes the man’s face, “I accept your gratitude. Now move forth and tell Fabio to send the next trick inside within three minutes.”

 

The trick nods, stands up on shaky legs, and goes out the door as Ted turns to Brian.

 

“Were you the next line in line Brian?” Ted asks as he strokes his cock to get himself hard again.

 

“What? No,” Brian answers as he pulls a face.

 

“Oh. Then why are you here?”

 

“I’m trying to figure out what the fuck is going on.”

 

“And you think that I would know?”

 

“Well, you are _King Schmidt_ ” Brian glares.

 

“Well, I’m almost as clueless as you are. All I know is that I am making many men happy each time I grace the backroom with my presence. I don’t know what has changed but if I can make men feel good then I’ll embrace it.”

 

“Well, enjoy it while it lasts,” Brian growls, “Because it won’t last long. I’ll figure you out, Schmidt.”

 

“Better figure out a way to take care of that boner first,” Ted points out as he nods towards Brian’s crotch.

 

Brian feels himself blush as he covers his denim clad erection with his hands and calls out, “I’m onto you!” before rushing out of the backroom. 

 

He forces himself not to snap at the line when they get excited as the door opens. Two of them faint before they get to realize that Brian Kinney _is not_ King Schmidt and medics are called to take them away. That only makes the people behind them happier since there are two less people between them and the backroom. Fucking freaks.

 

Brian goes behind the bar to pour himself a line of shots and takes them in quick succession, ignoring the bartender’s pitying glances. As he looks around the dance floor, he wonders what has become of Babylon. Hell, what has become of his life? He let himself agree with Justin that marriage wasn’t the best thing for them only for what? It was supposed to be so that Justin could go become a big boy in New York while Brian was supposed to avoid becoming a shell of himself by not relinquishing his top stud status. He thought they had achieved that, even though Brian always fell asleep with a little bit of a hole in his heart. But fucking had helped. Having so many men into him had taken away the sharpness of the pain, leaving it only as a dull ache.

 

But everything has changed.

 

“Brian, maybe you should slow down,” the bartender says quietly, “It really isn’t that big of a deal.”

 

Brian scoffed at the kid. Chase was 21 years old, hot, but really dependable and didn’t fuck the clientele. He had to be the first bartender Babylon has ever had who hasn’t. But that was because he was also the only straight Babylon bartender in the club’s history. Brian had felt hesitant about hiring a straight employee. Gay people faced a harder time in the workforce, after all. But Chase had two dads and had very publicly spoken out against homophobic views towards gay parenting, getting himself arrested in the process. Even though the kid liked pussy, he had some trouble with the mark on his record and had asked Brian for a job so he had given in. He actually respected him, despite the fact he was a breeder.

 

Not that he would admit that.

 

“You wouldn’t understand,” Brian insists, “You’re a breeder and aren’t capable of understanding the gay club mentality.”

 

“But I work in one!” Chase objects, already diving into a counter argument, which Brian tunes out.

 

And, as he is tuning his employee out, he sees something peculiar at the entrance to the club. When he realizes what’s going on, he lets out a sigh and walks back around the bar to stop Brandon from making a fool out of himself.

 

“P-Please!” Brandon gasps, holding onto a man’s shirt, “You liked it when we fucked a few months ago, didn’t you? You were _gagging_ for it. Just...Just do me this one favor! I haven’t gotten off all evening!”

 

“Dude, let go! I’m here to get fucked by the king!” the man orders, pulling away from Brandon.

 

“No! Don’t go!” Brandon cries out as the man runs for the line.

 

“Brandon!” Brian barks, “You need to get a grip.”

 

“I can’t,” Brandon mutters, eyes wild as they dash back and forth.

 

“Yes. You can. Listen...it might be strange, concerning our history, but I see ourselves in two very similar situations. I’m hard. You’re hard. We can find some relief with each other.”

 

“Ew!” Brandon gags, taking a step back, “That is disgusting.”

 

Brian glares and tilts his head, “Have fun sporting that hard on all night then.”

 

Brandon straightens his shoulders and bites his lip.

 

“It looks like we aren’t getting our spots back, huh?”

 

“Looks that way for now.”

 

Brandon nods and Brian raises his eyebrows, shocked at the prospect that the younger man might take him up on his offer until-

 

“Well, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.”

 

With that, Brandon walks over and joins the end of the line.

 

“Brandon! Brandon, get your ass back here right now! We are NOT giving in!”

 

Brian rushes over to pull at Brandon’s arm but Brandon stays firm in his spot. 

 

“No! You are not going to make me lose my place in line!” Brandon grits out as he swats at Brian.

 

“I can’t believe you,” Brian laments, disappointed in his competition’s quick decision to surrender, “You don’t even bottom. As far as I know, Ted is only topping back there.”

 

“I don’t care anymore. I need to get off and he’s supposed to be the best of the best. I’ll take what I can get.”

 

Brian fumes at the loss of his one chance at camaraderie until he feels hope when Brandon grabs his arm.

 

“You’re the owner,” Brandon says suddenly, his eyes lighting up, “You could get me to the front of the line in no time and no one could say a thing.”

 

“You think I’m going to help you get fucked by Ted Schmidt?” Brian scoffs, “Think again.”

 

“I can act as inside intel. Tell you how good he really is at fucking and figure out if he’s drugging people or something.”

 

Brian lets out a laugh, “He’s not drugging people. He’s not a fucking sociopath.”

 

“Just get me to the front of the line! I’ll let you watch me get fucked! I just need to get off!”

 

Brian studies Brandon’s desperate demeanor and lets out a sigh.

 

“I can’t believe I am doing this ESPECIALLY when I offered to fuck you. But whatever. You’re desperate and I don’t fuck desperate people anyway. Come on.”

 

Brian leads Brandon up to the front of the line, ignoring the outraged screams from the crowd and gets him into the backroom, where Ted is already trying to gently push away a clingy trick. 

 

“Sir, I just want to hold you-”

 

“Come on, other people are waiting,” Ted says nervously.

 

The trick lets out a soft cry and nods before heading back outside.

 

Ted directs his attention to Brian and Brandon and raises a brow.

 

“Hey, guys! You need something?”

 

“Brandon needs a good fuck,” Brian drawls as he pushes Brandon towards Ted.

 

Brandon starts to get stiff and nervous as he walks closer to the man.

 

“Just let me get it up,” Ted smiles kindly as he jerks his cock, “How are you wanting to be fucked, buddy?”

 

“Uh...gently?” Brandon says nervously as he starts to unzip his pants.

 

“Of course,” Ted says softly, urging Brandon over to the couch to spoon him. 

 

Brian gulps as he Ted fingers Brandon, the young man stifling the moans of pleasure but not quite able to stop his hips from thrusting into Ted’s fingers. When Ted pulls them out, he strokes Brandon’s cock a few times with one hand and slips the condom on with another.

 

“Ready?” Ted whispers, pressing his cock against Brandon’s hole.

 

“Y-Yeah,” Brandon whimpers, moving his hips back to feel the cock against his entrance.

 

Brian’s eyes widen as Brandon gasps on Ted’s first thrust. He’s sure that Brandon will come to his senses and move away but when Ted tilts his head up to check on how Brandon is handling this, he puts his hand on top of Ted’s, urging him to keep going. Ted fucks him slowly and but steadily and Brandon’s eyes glaze over with what looks like _euphoria_. He lets Ted know when it’s okay to increase his speed by lifting his leg. Ted really takes control from there, thrusting in more deeply until you can hear Ted’s balls slap against Brandon’s ass. Brandon tries to stifle the moans at first but ends up wailing out his pleasure, as though he has finally found out what perfection feels like. The younger man doesn’t even need to be touched as his cum shoots onto the couch cover. Ted keeps thrusting, biting Brandon’s shoulder, until he grunts out his release.

 

“Feel better?” Ted asks him quietly, tucking a golden strand of hair behind Brandon’s ear.

 

“That was...That was the closest thing to love I’ve ever felt in my life,” Brandon chokes out, emotional over the encounter.

 

“Brandon...you do know I am involved with someone, right?”

 

“I...I know. But I’ve never felt so free. So euphoric. So well taken care of. Thank you. Thank you, King Schmidt. You are the perfect ruler for Babylon.”

 

As Brian curses at Brandon and clenches his fists in anger, Ted accepts a hug from the younger man. Holding him close in comfort. 

 

Brandon sniffles and turns to look at Brian with bright eyes.

 

“He really is the best of the best, Brian,” Brandon says happily, as if his whole world has changed, “He really is meant to be king.”

 

“Go the fuck away.”

 

As Brandon almost skips towards the exit, humming his way out of the backroom, Brian watches him leave with a glare before he turns on Ted.

 

“What the FUCK, Ted?” Brian growls, storming over to the man.

 

“I don’t know,” Ted sighs happily, “I think...I think I may have found my purpose. It’s a strange purpose and it took a while for it to kick in but if I can make that young, hardened, _damaged_ man happy, then I’ll take it.”

 

Brian huffs out a ruthless chuckle as he stares into Ted’s eyes, “This isn’t over. I don’t need Brandon. I will get down to the bottom of this.”

 

“You might want to get the cum stain out of your pants first,” Ted points out, nodding down to his crotch, “I’m really glad you got off tonight, Bri. You’ve seemed so stressed lately.”

 

Brian lets out a primal yell before storming across the room to kick over the table. With one last silent promise for justice, he leaves the backroom. He doesn’t even bother hiding the stain. The whole line is too focused on their turn with the king anyway.

 

He meant what he said. He WILL get to the bottom of this. He will enlist help from anyone who has been close with Ted Schmidt. He doesn’t want Ted to fuck things up with Blake. He’s not that much of an asshole. So he’ll start with the next closest person to Ted’s heart. 

 

Emmett Honeycutt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter! Let me know what you think of this very serious and moving tale in the comments! Thanks for reading!


	3. Schmidting the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian find out what's so great about Ted Schmidt right before his life falls into place.

“Oh, Teddy was marvelous in bed. The only time I can’t remember enjoying myself was when he was high on crystal.”

 

That’s the answer he gets from Emmett as they sit down for dinner. The new Indian restaurant on 4th that has too many carbs but Brian can admit that it’s as fantastic as Emmett claimed. But he’s not surprised that Emmett would talk him into taking him out for a meal in exchange for information.

 

“But have you been to Babylon lately? Do you know what’s going on there?” Brian demands to know, “Have you even talked to Ted in the last week?”

 

Emmett shrugs and takes the first piece of Poori bread, making it flat in the process, “Eh. Not really. I’m still getting over Calvin, you know? He took that job and gave it no extra thought. I found myself looking in the mirror the other day and I thought, “Well, Mr. Honeycutt. You are 35 years old. You haven’t held onto a partner for more than a year. Your hairline is starting to recede and none of your friends have come to check on you. I was surprised when you called. But it warmed my heart because I thought you might be worried about me-”

 

Brian bites back a growl as Emmett prattles on about his depressing life. Glancing out the window, he wonders how over-the-top it would be to jump out of it. 

 

“But Drewsie has called,” Emmett reveals, seemingly conflicted, “He has every so often. Telling me that he misses me. That he’s 21. That’s a little inside joke between us. I couldn’t just up and leave Calvin for Drew. That didn’t seem fair. But Calvin had no problem leaving me. I just don’t want Drew to think I am only going back to him now that Calvin’s gone because that isn’t the case. It was complicated and I didn’t want to hurt anyone and-”

 

“Listen!” Brian interrupts, “All I wanted to know was if Ted had magical fucking powers. That’s it. Nothing else. I did NOT ask about your love life or how depressing it was. You’re not the only one who feels sad 24/7, you know. But at least I don’t bother people with my shit!”

 

Emmett gives Brian a hurt glance before taking his hand over the table, “Brian? Are you okay? I know Justin being in New York has to be hard and the fact that you lost Lindsay and Gus to Toronto around the same time must have been even harder. I was so worried about you. But it’s been over a year and a half so I just assumed-”

 

“I’m fine, Emmett,” Brian tells him, putting the napkin on the table, “I just need to know how good Ted was in bed when you were with him.”

 

Emmett stares at him, bewildered, “But why?”

 

“I just do.”

 

“Are you...are you interested in him or something? It’s hard for me to see but I guess you are both going through similar things right now. But please, if you two want to aim for a relationship then let Justin and Blake know. I know there are no rules in both cases and if you want to just screw around then that’s up to you but don’t...don’t keep any real feelings hidden.”

 

Brian stands up and throws two twenties on the table, “Fuck it. I’m obviously not going to get an answer from you. You could have just rated him from one to ten but you can’t even stay on track long enough to do that.”

 

“Well, I’m sorry that I am a bit confused about why you want to know!” Emmett retorts, offended by his friend. 

 

“I’ll figure it out myself,” Brian mutters before he walks away.

 

He makes it a few feet before Emmett calls out his name.

 

“Brian?”

 

Brian stops in his tracks, closes his eyes, and breathes out, “What, Emmett?”

 

“When Ted wasn’t on crystal and was feeling confident, he was a 10. I feel that he didn’t get to show his full abilities because confidence is so rare for him. But if he built some up and is feeling good...it’s hard to run across a better lay.”

 

Brian turns around, confused by the answer, “Then why didn’t you try to get back with him after he got sober?”

 

Emmett shrugs, “Too much had happened. And, yeah, he was sober, but he needed to work on himself. It was his lack of confidence and self-worth that got him to that state. He needed to find it on his own. And...he had hurt me. You know that. You told me to leave him so I would avoid getting hurt. You...you cared. You have always been blunt and nonchalant but at that moment you really cared about me not getting dragged down with him. That had been eye opening.”

 

Brian looks down, “Couldn’t have had two crystal queens in the group. But if he is so good that he is creating lines in Babylon’s back room then I would have understood if you stayed.”

 

Emmett smiles a little, “Sometimes sex isn’t everything, what can I say? But Teddy...Teddy always had that extra something. Made you feel like the only gal in the world once he was inside you. Maybe his followers or subjects or whatever you called them are not used to that. Maybe the attention, along with his abilities, are what keep them coming back for more. I certainly did up until a point. Now sit down. You must try their mango lassi. I promise you, it’s divine.”

 

Brian looks at his friend for a few seconds before going back over to sit down across from him. He’ll let the subject go for now. He will find out what it is that Ted does to make the men at Babylon so fanatic. But right now, he’s just going to have dinner with his friend. Emmett seems like he really needs one right now. And you know what? Brian can't help but feel a little bit happy for him when Emmett decides to call Drew after all. They both deserve some happiness.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ted feels himself smiling as soon as Blake’s face pops up on his screen. Smiling and waving, he feels a stab of longing when he looks at the younger man. He really is so proud of him though. He’s doing so much for the world.

 

“Hey, Teddy,” he says softly grinning as they look at each other through the screen.

 

“Hey, baby,” Ted happily says back, “How’s everything in Atlanta?”

 

“It’s great! We have so many younger people agreeing to enter programs as well as long-time addicts who really want to try getting clean. It can be really emotional but it’s so worthwhile.”

 

Ted sighs, “I am so happy to hear that. I know how much this work means to you and I think that, if anyone can get them to listen, you can.”

 

Blake smiles sadly and touches the screen, “Yeah. I miss you, Ted.”

 

Ted reaches back, “I miss you too.”

 

“I want to come home.”

 

Ted freezes at the words, “Blake...Blake, you can’t give up now. Don’t get me wrong, I miss you. I miss you so much. But I’m not worth you giving up something you feel passionate about-”

 

“I’ve learned something, being on the road,” Blake interrupts, “From the people I have met and the ones who have entered treatment, it’s easy to see that they do better when they have a support system. A family. A partner. They have to get better on their own. Because they want to. There’s no way around that. But to have someone there who truly loves them, that gives them a reason to keep fighting and to be the best person they can be. You...You were that person for me. I know you didn’t witness it. I ran off. But you believed in me when no one else did. And I want to come home. You’re...you’re my home. The one night stands, the temporary comfort, they just aren’t cutting it. I love you too much to fall for any of them and I don’t want to fall for anyone else anyway. I want you.”

 

“I want you too,” Ted chokes out, “Blake, I _love_ you. But you are doing so much good work and if you’re with me all the time-”

 

“What do you think we have been doing, Teddy,” Blake chuckles, “We’ve been recruiting people and doctors and creating laws in areas where addicts are having trouble getting help. We have accomplished so much these past eight months. I’m not saying I’ll never travel again to help when it’s needed but I want to go back to the center and continue my counseling there. I want to help the people of Pittsburgh now that I have people helping in their own hometowns. I want to be with you and with Lupé until we’re old and grey.”

 

Ted lets out a wet laugh, “Maybe that cat will come out for you. She rarely does for me.”

 

“You just have to coax her and be supportive. Bring her out of her shell,” Blake smiles.

 

God, how did he get so lucky? He loves this beautiful man so much and he’s coming _home_. To him. Ted Schmidt. What did he do to deserve someone so wonderful?

 

“So what have you been up to?” Blake asks, still sniffling over their emotional virtual reunion.

Shit.

 

“...Not much,” Ted lies, “Just this and that, you know.”

 

Blake gives him a strange look, “No...I don’t know. I haven’t been there hence why I am asking you.

 

Ted lets out a heavy sigh. He can’t keep something like this from Blake. Hopefully he understands and doesn’t change his mind. God, he doesn’t know if he could take that after feeling so elated after the announcement of his return. 

 

So, after thinking of a tasteful way to break the news, he opens his mouth to speak.

 

“I’ve been tricking. A lot,” Ted admits, wincing at the flinch Blake’s smile.

 

Blake stays silent for a few seconds before clearing his throat, “Okay. That’s okay. I’m not there. And I’ve been tricking too. We agreed on no rules, just safety, sobriety, and honesty. It’s okay, Ted. I understand.”

 

Ted shakes his head, “You don’t understand. I’ve been fucking up to twenty men every night. Sometimes more. I spend hours in the back room and take viagra to keep up with the demand.”

 

Of course Blake had been taking a sip of water when he said that. Luckily the spray doesn’t fuck up the man’s laptop.

 

“I’m sorry, what?” Blake blurts out.

 

“They...they all want me to fuck them!” Ted reveals, “They are calling me King Schmidt! People have made t-shirts and banners and-”

 

“I’m calling Brian,” Blake interrupts, pulling his phone out with shaky hands, “Ted, if you’ve relapsed then I need you to get help right-”

 

“I HAVEN’T relapsed!” Ted explodes, “I’m just really fantastic at fucking!”

 

“I know that, babe! Better than almost anyone! But t-shirts? Banners? That’s extreme and not realistic!”

 

Ted sighs, “Call Brian. Call Brian and ask him. I’ll wait.”

 

And so he does. Ted sits there as Blake gives him one last look before going into the other room to call Brian on his cellphone. The conversation goes on for at least ten minutes and Ted really wishes he could hear it but he can’t so he just sits there like an idiot, waiting for his boyfriend to come back to his desk.

 

Ted feels a little bit of relief when he does. Blake sits there with a blank look on his face before choking out, “King Schmidt?”

 

“King Schmidt,” Ted agrees.

 

“But...but why?”

 

“I don’t know. Because I am really good at being a top?”

 

“Well, I’ve told you that,” Blake dismisses, “That’s part of the reason I want to come back. No one can compare.”

 

Ted smiles a little, “Really?”

 

Blake rolls his eyes before starting to look a little insecure. God, Ted hates that he’s made him feel that way. He doesn’t want that at all.

 

“So...so I’m guessing you’ll want to fuck other people still?” Blake asks quietly, “I would understand. I’m sure that kind of attention is addicting.”

 

“I…” Ted starts, “I only enjoyed it because you were gone. It helped fill a void, making other men feel so good. Making them so enthusiastic about me.”

 

“Making Brian Kinney the most jealous man alive?” Blake smirks.

 

Ted laughs a little, “He’s so set on figuring out what I’m doing that’s so right. Truth is that I’m not doing anything. I’m just being me. A confident version of me but me nonetheless. But I’m like that naturally when I’m with you. Whatever you want me to do, I will do.”

 

Blake lets out a breath before staring at the camera, “The jealous part of me wants to tell you to stop fucking other men right now. That I’ll do the same and we’ll will become monogamous from tonight forward. But Brian said they were a fucking mob and what they might do if they don’t get at least a goodbye fuck scares me. So...so you name the terms and we can compromise when I get home.”

 

Ted thinks on it, “You said two weeks, right? That should be enough time to spread the word that King Schmidt is retiring. That way, people can schedule one last fuck with me and I can hang up my crown by the time you get home.”

 

“You have a crown?” Blake gapes.

 

“It’s from a fan,” Ted brushes off, “I barely wear it.”

 

Blake shakes his head, “Enjoy your two weeks, _King Schmidt_.”

 

“I’ll enjoy the years after it much more,” Ted tells him softly.

 

They say their goodbyes and their I love yous before signing off. Instead of a heavy weight that Ted usually feels after a conversation with Blake, he feels elated. 

 

He just wonders how his loyal subjects will handle the news.

 

He picks up the phone and calls Fabio to tell him the news and, although Fabio is happy for him, the man gets quite emotional when he finds out that Ted won’t be fucking anyone else after Blake gets back. After Ted assures Fabio that he will schedule him a nice long session during Fabio’s day off tomorrow, the bouncer agrees to spread the word and arrange the next two weeks around the retiring of King Schmidt. 

 

It was fun while it lasted. But life will be more worthwhile after it’s over.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s right after he is finished harassing Mysterious Marilyn when Brian learns the news about King Schmidt. 

 

“I just...I just can’t imagine never getting fucked by him again!” Brian overhears a young twink sigh in the next booth over at the diner, “I’ve never EVER felt so special, so important, during any other fuck.”

 

“I know what you mean,” a large hairy man agrees, “Until you’ve had Schmidt, you don’t know shit.”

 

“Excuse me,” Brian asks, turning around, “Care to share the news with a well-meaning friend of Ted’s?”

 

The twink puts a hand to his chest, “King Schmidt is hanging up his crown. Taking the monogamous path in just two short weeks. I don’t know how I’ll spend my nights after this!”

 

“Like you did before?” Brian suggests, intrigued but inexplicably nervous by the news.

 

“God, that mundane life!” the twink scoffs, “Just getting fucked by average men with average cocks.”

 

“You just described Ted Schmidt,” Brian sneers, turning around.

 

“Sounds like a man who hasn’t had the pleasure of King Schmidt’s perfect cock up his ass,” the bear snickers.

 

Brian taps his fingers on the table nervously. He shouldn’t feel nervous. Ted’s quitting. There’s no competition anymore. Brandon’s a raging bottom now. If he’s not getting fucked by Ted then it’s by someone else, claiming he’s found his true purpose and he had just been afraid before. So Brian will be on top, both literally and figuratively.

 

But he won’t _know_. Ted will always have something over him, even when he starts only fucking Blake.

 

He’s tried to find it himself but he keeps running into dead ends. No matter who he talks to, all he finds out is that Ted is the best fuck in the country but no one can pinpoint why, or at least explain it in terms that he can understand. 

 

There’s only one thing left he can do. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brian is never nervous before propositioning someone. He hasn’t been ever since he got on his knees for his gym teacher his freshman year of high school. He should have been, considering how that went, but it was what it was and he wasn’t going to become a blushing virgin for Ted Schmidt, especially when he still hasn’t answered the door yet.

 

When Ted opens it, he is disheveled and is ushering a tearful man out the door. Raising his eyebrows, Brian watches the scene with interest.

 

“King Schmidt, please! You don’t have to do this! You don’t have to go back to that monogamous life. You are meant for bigger and greater things!” the trick begs.

 

Ted strokes the man’s face and gives him a pitiful look, “You’re right. I don’t have to go back to monogamy. But I want to. I love Blake, Leroy. That’ll never change. He makes me happier than anyone in the world.”

 

Leroy forces a smile and nods, tearing up still as takes a few steps backwards, “I really hope you have a great life, Ted. A man like you truly deserves one. 

 

Breaking into sobs, Leroy quickly runs down the hallways and down the stairs.

 

“Leroy,” Ted calls out, upset over the man’s heartbreak before turning to Brian.

 

“Oh. Hi, Brian. Sorry you had to see that. People are taking my decision to become monogamous harder than I thought they would. You need something?”

 

“Yeah. Can I come in?”

 

“Of course, come inside.”

 

Ted moves aside to let Brian in and Brian glances around the apartment, gulping at the thought of what he’s about to ask. 

 

“Something you need?” Ted asks, stepping closer, “Would you like a glass of water or something to eat or-”

 

“I want you to fuck me, Theodore.”

 

There. He said it. Might as well get it out of the way after all and, even though Ted is blinking with surprise, Brian feels much better.

 

“Um...Are you sure? I know you don’t like to bottom for anyone and I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. Besides, we’re friends and-”

 

“It’s not like I’ve never bottomed before,” Brian interrupts, already heading for Ted’s bedroom as Ted quickly follows, “I bottom for Justin from time to time and enjoy it. I just have to trust someone before I let them do it. I guess it was one too many dangerous close calls in my twinkhood that made me more cautious about it. Whatever. I just...I need to know what the fuck you are doing to make the guys at Babylon so crazy. Asking Emmett and Blake have gotten me nowhere. Mysterious Marilyn said you didn’t come to her for a spell. So I need to know.”

 

With that explanation, Brian takes off his shirt and lets his pants and boxer briefs fall to the floor. Ted’s eyes travel down to his cock and he licks his lips appreciatively before he meets Brian’s eyes again.

 

“What about Justin? Aren’t you supposed to not get names and-”

 

“No rules after his move,” Brian declares as he gets on the bed, flat on his stomach with his ass perked out, “My decision. It was for the best. In case he met someone up there that ended up being important to him. Now are you going to fuck me or not?”

 

Ted takes a few moments to study Brian before slowly approaching the man to knead his cheeks. 

 

“So you want to experience firsthand what I do that makes the guys keep coming back for more?” Ted asks him seductively before licking a stripe against his hole.

 

“Y-Yes,” Brian gasps out, already feeling overwhelmed by the sheer feeling of Ted’s tongue.

 

“I’m going to take my time with you, Brian Kinney. You have done so much for the men of Liberty Avenue, more than I have even. You deserve to be just as worshiped as I am. I will fuck you long and hard. I will take you to the brink and make you beg for more. Do you understand me?”

 

Brian takes a few heaving breaths, “Ted...Ted, please!”

 

“Turn over, Brian.”

 

Brian does what he’s told and gets on his back, staring up at Ted with his blown pupils, anticipating what will happen next.

 

He grips the sheets as Ted sucks him off, groaning at the feeling of the hot soft mouth as Ted holds his hips still. He whimpers when Ted prepares him, thrusting his fingers in and out of his tight hole while Brian pushes down on them. By the time Ted is putting the condom on his cock, Brian is more than ready and is begging Ted to fuck him.

 

And when Ted finally enters Brian’s hole, his cock settling in at the hilt, Brian sees stars. He grips his Ted’s shoulders, looking up at the _beautiful_ man who is making him feel so good as the speed increases. Ted started out slow but now he’s pounding into him. The obscene smacking of balls against Brian’s ass and cries of pleasure are the only things to be heard. They both have great stamina and Brian has never been more thankful because he never wants this to end. This feeling of being filled by the world’s most perfect cock. Usually being fucked this hard would make him feel nervous, used even, but not now. Right now, he’s the only man in the world and Ted is his oxygen. It’s all for him, just in this moment. 

 

Ted brings him to completion first. He comes all over their stomachs and Ted whispers sweet encouragements through the aftermath. Brian whimpers as Ted takes the next minutes to keep thrusting into his hole but smiles when Ted asks him if he’s okay in between thrusts. God, he hasn’t felt so good in months.

 

When Ted comes, he collapses on top of Brian and Brian welcomes the weight. He wraps his arms around Ted’s body, holding the precious godlike man close as he comes back to himself. 

 

“That…” Brian starts before trailing off in complete emotional awe, “That was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life.”

 

Ted lifts his head and runs his fingers through Brian’s hair, “I am so glad you enjoyed yourself, Brian. You have done so much for me. I wanted to do something for you too.”

 

“Would you...would you do it again? Just one more time since I’m already here. I’ll wait in line like everyone else after this, I promise.”

 

Ted lets out a good-natured sigh as he looks down at the younger man, “Well, I do need to get ready to be at Babylon by 8. But I think if I keep my shower quick, I’ll be able to swing another round.”

 

Brian nods eagerly as he wraps his legs around Ted’s form before whispering, “Fuck me, Ted.”

 

As Ted reaches over to grab another condom, Brian feels his heart beat with anticipation. And when the older man enters him once more, he has forgotten the reason why it was so important to get fucked by Ted in the first place.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The line is extra long on his last night as King Schmidt. He’s glad he brought his whole bottle of Viagra with him as he fucks his twelfth trick of the night. It’s been emotional, to say the least. The men have presented him with gifts and tears and toasts and cheers as they give their blessing and genuinely wish him the best in life with his love. 

 

He was only King Schmidt for a few weeks but he’s seen these men grow under his guidance. Vincent decided to go to law school, something he was unsure of doing when they first fucked. Gregory decided to move to LA to try his hand at acting. He’d miss that wonderful young man. Brandon had found a wonderful top who promised to take care of him forever and always. Tyler was supportive of Brandon’s desire to be fucked by Ted as much as possible before his retirement, even giving in to let Ted fuck him a few times. As sad as Brandon is tonight, he knows his life with Tyler will be a happy one.

 

And then there’s Brian. The man who had been so set on getting to the bottom of things really had gotten to the bottom of things literally. Before he had been livid over Ted’s popularity but every night since they had sex back at Ted’s apartment, Brian had waited in line (okay, used his privilege as owner to pass everyone) in order to be fucked by him. He knows Brian sees their time together as several great fucks and a way to get in touch with his bottoming side. Ted likes to think of it as quality time between two close friends. 

 

He had been expecting the unexpected on his last night as King Schmidt but the one thing he hadn’t been expecting was for Justin Taylor to come into the back room, led in by his excited boyfriend.

 

“Justin!” Ted greets as he pulls out of the emotional trick, “I didn’t know you were coming in this weekend! How are you?”

 

“A bit confused, to be honest,” Justin tells him, strained and pursing his lips, “I understand that you’re pretty popular, Ted.”

 

Ted risks a glance at Brian, still strangely bright eyed, “I am guessing Brian told you that we’ve slept together?”

 

“Ding ding ding!” Justin says sarcastically as he puts a hand on his hip.

 

Ted lets out a sigh, “You don’t have to worry, Justin. I won’t be tricking after tonight. Blake is coming back and we have both decided to be monogamous.”

 

Justin stares at him, looking for a lie, before letting out a breath, “Okay. Alright, good. Because, while there are technically no rules between me and Brian, the way he talks about you...how good you are at topping...it just made me nervous. I thought he might be falling for you.”

 

“Justin, I told you,” Brian smiles as he pulls Justin into an embrace, “You don’t have to worry about that. I _love_ you. Ted just...Ted brought out a lot of emotions, I’ll admit that. But it was like his cock opened me up in so many different ways.”

 

Justin stares at his boyfriend, bewildered, before shaking his head, “Well, as long as it changed things for the better, then I can't be too upset. I definitely can't say I'm upset with your decision to even things out when it comes to our positions as well.”

 

Brian nods eagerly before he leads Justin towards Ted, “I want you to experience getting topped by Ted. It is such an emotional journey and it would be negligent of me as your partner to not make sure it happened.”

 

“I don’t know-” Justin starts but is shushed by Brian.

 

“Believe me, Sunshine. It makes things so much better. It makes the _world_ so much better.”

 

With one last glance at Brian, Justin slowly nods before going over Ted to trace his finger against the man’s chest. 

 

“Think you can get it up for me on your last day of royalty, King Schmidt?” Justin asks as he stares up at the man.

 

“Of course,” Ted answers graciously as he leads Justin over to the couch.

 

And, after he promises Brian for the third time that he will fuck him next, Ted enters the man’s boyfriend and watches Justin’s expression fill with ecstasy. He takes his time with the boy who he watched grow into a man since it is Ted's last night, after all, and Justin hasn’t been here. 

 

After Ted brings tears of joy to Justin’s eyes and Brian one of the best orgasms of his life, he watches the two men promise each other forever and feels his heart soar when Brian gets down on one knee in the back room. 

 

“Yes, Brian!” Justin sobs, standing his partner back up to wrap his arms around him, “I want forever too! It was stupid of me to leave and spend so much time away from you-”

 

“It wasn’t,” Brian soothes as he cradles his lover’s face, “It wasn’t stupid, Sunshine. You have an agent now. You had to leave to get to a certain point and to grow into your own person. You can work from wherever you want now. You can come home. Home to me.”

 

Justin breaks out into a brilliant smile before bringing the man in for a kiss. He turns to look at Ted, still smiling, and laughs so happily.

 

“Thank you, Ted. We wouldn’t have gotten here without you. You will always be a king in our eyes.”

 

Brian nods in agreement and puts an arm around Ted’s shoulders, kissing him on the cheek. 

 

“Thank you, Theodore,” Brian whispers fervently, “I don’t know how I will ever repay you.”

 

“Just...just keep me employed at Kinnetik,” Ted chuckles.

 

“You've got it. Enjoy the rest of your night, King Schmidt. Your drinks are on the house from this point forward.”

 

“And please, you and Blake must come over for dinner when he’s back in Pittsburgh and settled,” Justin adds, “We would love that wouldn’t we, Brian?”

 

“More than anything,” Brian says as he presses his forehead against Justin’s.

 

Ted watches the two men leave the back room, holding onto each other tightly. He is so happy for them. He’s not sure what he did to get Justin to come back but as long as Brian is happy and feeling complete, it doesn’t matter.

 

He still has a lot more work to do. Part of him feels negligent for deciding to hang up his crown after only a few weeks of enlightenment but Blake deserves all the love and care in the world. As long as he is bestowing his gifts upon his favorite person, then Ted Schmidt is a happy man.

 

But, until tomorrow morning, he is King Schmidt. So with a few strokes of his cock and a smile in place, Ted opens his mouth and yells out the word that has now become automatic for him.

 

“Next!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *SOB* So moving! Let me know what you think in the comments about the end of this short story. Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> This will be a total of two to three chapters, no more. I brought it up as a joke in a thread and decided to roll with it. Hope you enjoy this craziness! Please review!


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